Anzelika, a mum who read our journey with raising multilingual children, sent me the following email. I thought of replying via a blog post, with her permission, instead of a personal email as this might be of interest to more moms out there who find themselves in a similar situation.

‘Hi Liza! There are not many inspiring stories out there about multilingual families, however, yours belongs to the inspiring ones!

In my family we have a similar situation, each parent comes from different country and the common family language is English. However, my concern is, how comfortable did/do you guys feel speaking 2 different languages at home with your kids when knowing that your partner doesn’t understand what you’re saying to your child?* I thankfully know my husband’s language, but he doesn’t speak mine….and for me it feels like we are raising 2 separate kids in a way… It’s difficult to explain, but I rather stick to English as soon as we are together, because that feels just respectful and right.

Would be great to hear your feedback on that, maybe I can grow some courage and try to get used to both of us speaking different languages at home to our child.’

I’ll start by going back in time. The first time I moved abroad I was in my early twenties. I went to Paris with an Erasmus scholarship to further my studies in French. The common language there was obviously French, and I remember I found it rude and disrespectful when people would switch back to their own languages instead of sticking to French. It didn’t feel right that people were left out. Mind you, it wasn’t intentional in order to marginalize others, but still it felt wrong. I was of the same mindset when I moved to Malta about 1 year later. In Malta the common language is English, and I noticed that people would often start speaking in their own languages when they met others from their home countries, both at work and at social settings, even though the rest of us didn’t understand a word of it.

It took me many years, and a foreign boyfriend, my now husband Roy, to realize that when it is not intentional in order to exclude others from a conversation, it is not disrespectful. It happens to all of us, and it happens naturally. When my family and friends were visiting Roy and me, I often caught myself changing language and speaking in Greek even when Roy was present. The same happened when we had his own family and friends over and they were all speaking Norwegian. The same thing would often happen when we were out and some of our friends would meet others from their home countries.

The end result was that by being surrounded daily by people who spoke different languages both at home and outside and which I didn’t understand, I sort of grew immune to it. Roy and me got used to this being our new normal, our everyday world reality. This is how we live, this is how our social networks function, and we’ve learned not to be affected by it. People around us speak different languages and when they do so, we just drift inwards to our own thoughts. If we are interested in the conversation and the subject matter, then we kindly request them to switch back to English. If we’re not, then we have an awesome excuse not to have to keep up with conversations that we might not be interested in.

As it usually happens with many things in life, changing my mindset was the key here. I learned to embrace it. Believe it or not, I actually grew to love it. Now I have the opposite issue. Being surrounded by my own language 24/7 when I go to Greece can be overwhelming as I cannot switch off and I need to listen to everything.

If and when I feel I am missing out when my husband speaks in Norwegian with our children, I simply ask him to switch back to English. If I don’t feel like it’s something I need to hear (ie a story I have heard before, he’s setting a limit etc), I let them continue in their own language and I allow myself to drift freely to my own thoughts. I don’t need to hear and be involved with everything. Roy does the same.

Through the years and with the kids repeating the same stuff, both Roy and me understand a bit of what the conversation might be about. If we want to be involved, we tell each other. If not, we let the conversation move on in between the different members of our little family in the language they see it fit. This is going to change soon though, as I enrolled for an intensive course in Norwegian, starting in August and I am curious to see what the future will bring. I will be decoding their secret world and maintain my own ‘secret’ one with the kids .

I hope this helps.

Love, Liza.


*I speak Greek with the kids, a language my husband doesn’t speak, and he speaks Norwegian, a language I don’t speak. Our common, home language, is English.

The post My husband speaks a language I don’t understand with our children and it’s OK. first appeared on Maltamum.

A mum is asking for our help – Any professionals who can give some advice or mums who have experienced something similar?

‘I’ ve asked for help and guidance some months ago but I still cant figure out what is wrong with my 7 yr old.

She has fits that last about an hour long. She cries hysterically and when we ask whats wrong she shouts at us for asking. She shouts that we dont love her. That we are all wrong and she is right. She wont say whats wrong and why she cries, but she lashes out at every word we say. Nothing we do or say makes her episode stop. It has to last almost an hour.

She has been seen by the councellor at school but basically she is just a sweet girl there and nothing seems to be wrong with her.

The post Fits that last about 1h long. Is this normal? first appeared on Maltamum.

Are there any parents here who have little ones that go to Pembroke primary school, or any other government primary school? I need an idea of the costs of uniforms and stationery and anything else that has to be provided at the beginning of term including any donations.

Thank you all in advance.
Mum P.

maltamum says: picture sent from Stefania below:

The post What are the costs involved with going to a government primary school? first appeared on Maltamum.

The following question of a parent and answer by Meghan Leahy was featured on Washington Post and I felt it was worth saving under the maltamum ‘Your Questions’ blog category.

Question: My almost-two-year-old is having some heavy-duty tantrums. Screaming and screeching, throwing things and more. What’s the best way to respond? I’d prefer not to ignore her, which seems cruel as she is so upset. She is not speaking at all yet, and I wonder whether that is part of her frustration.

Answer: Well, congratulations! It sounds as though you have a healthy and growing child on your hands.

I know, I know. You don’t feel like a winner, but being two is an intense ride, and you are definitely along for this one.

Many parents report two-year-olds as sunny and cooperative and loving and sweet. And then when it goes south, the parents report that it really goes south.

Heaving sobs, inconsolable, completely irrational, heartbreaking and incredibly frustrating, the two-year-old is a firestorm of the biggest emotions a human can feel, but she can’t handle them the way you can.

For instance, you go to a party for a good friend who is moving away. You feel happy to see her and happy for her new job, yet sad for your loss and loneliness. You feel both feelings at once.

This is called integration.

Your almost-two-year-old does not have a brain that can do this. She is either completely happy or completely sad, but cannot balance the two. And when the system becomes overwhelmed (which is easy when you have an immature brain and limited ways to express all of your feelings), it goes POP! A tantrum. All that energy in the two-year-old has to leave the body and mind; it’s too much for her to bear.

Again, this is normal and healthy child development, and very exhausting for the loving parents. A tantrum is not misbehaviour.

Common parenting advice will tell you to step over the tantruming child and go about your business. And everyone else will tell you she is in a stage and it will end. Both of these statements may be true and may work, yet without understanding your child’s mental abilities, you will be playing what I call “Parenting Whack-a-Mole.” The tantrum pops up, and you try to solve it with the latest strategy.

But that means it will just pop up again.

So let’s take a look at her young brain instead.

It’s normal for an almost-two-year-old to not have speech. What’s more important is that the child is communicating in other ways. Is she pointing at objects? Does she use one word (like dog, for instance) for all animals? Does she use two-word phrases or commands, like “go car!” or “me cry”? These are the precursors to speech. Above all, you should talk to your paediatrician if you have any doubts or worries about her speech. For more information about speech development, visit a reliable Web site such as www.healthychildren.org.

If the doctor has ruled out any neurological issues, food allergies or sensitivities, or any other explanations for the tantrums, we can assume her brain is normally wired for deep connection and attachment to the caregivers in her life.

This means that when she was born, everything depended on you showing up, staring into her beautiful eyes, kissing her toes, making faces, cuddling, feeding her and responding to her cries. A baby is born and his or her primary form of communication is crying.

Well, a two-year-old is not that far removed from that baby. But as independence starts to increase (walking, early speech, likes and dislikes, imitation of caregivers), the brain is also sending strong signals of “Whoa. You are little, dude. Slow down. Run back to Mum. You are not safe.”

As these messages are yanking around the two-year-old brain, the parents are feeling like their sweet baby has turned into a devil-child.

So what makes the tantrums worse?

The parents asking why the child is having a tantrum. The two-year-old is not going to turn to you and say, “Listen, Dad, the peas are kind of squishy, and I am sick of pooping in my pants. I am super-cranky right now.” Rather, the child’s brain is too immature to think about her own thoughts and emotions. She literally cannot tell you want she wants, because she doesn’t know.

Another thing that makes the tantrums worse is when the parent puts the child in timeout or aggressively walks away from the child. Now, absolutely, if you feel that you are going to hurt your child, yell or explode, walk away. Do whatever you need to do to calm down.

But if you can hang in there, keep proximity to the child. This means sit close, rub the back, murmur understanding expressions “I know, it’s hard … Mum is here.”

When we leave the two-year-old alone, her alarm increases. She becomes even more panicked and the tantrums increase in duration and intensity.

So, here is the simple-to-understand and harder-to-implement plan for the tantruming two-year-old:

1) Remember that her brain is immature. She is young and growing. This is normal.

2) Remember that asking why or trying to get to the bottom of the behaviour won’t work.

3) Remember that leaving her in an angry fashion will trigger her alarm and cause her to fight and tantrum more.

4) Remember to look for patterns (hunger, fatigue, transitions) and find ways to smooth those moments (carry food, don’t go to the birthday party when she needs a nap).

5) Remember that the goal is not to get her to stop crying: the goal is to make her feel safe.

6) Remember that you should get some outside help. Babysitters, friends, mother’s helpers, family – whatever works. Getting away from your two-year-old helps you, the parent, integrate your own brain!

The post Understanding the tantrum of a 2 year old and how to respond first appeared on Maltamum.

Hi mummies,

I still breastfeed my 1 year old and I have a problem.

I breastfeed on demand, so it’s hard for me to follow the ‘5 meals a day’ schedule the pediatricians recommend for my baby, since she comes to the breast several times during the day and night.

What kind of food schedule – routine do you follow?

Thank you all in advance for sharing your experience. Feeling a bit lost.

Anna M.

The post Breastfeeding on demand – how can I keep up with the 5 meals a day pediatrician’s recommendation? first appeared on Maltamum.

The post Moving to Malta with children first appeared on Maltamum.

Anon is asking:

I have two boys, a 6 years old and a 3 years old and they are constantly fighting about everything. Who’s going to choose first a seat on the table, who’s going to play with a particular car, who’s going to decide what cartoon to watch on TV etc. Sometimes it also involves physical fighting (pulling hair, biting etc). My oldest one refuses to share with his brother and the youngest wants what the oldest one has or does. I find it hard to refrain myself from yelling and imposing ‘punishments’ and I am running out of ideas. How do or would you handle it? My husband says it’s normal, kids fight all the time, but it makes me sad and I am not coping.
Thank you for listening and sharing your thoughts.

The post Siblings fighting – how to handle it? first appeared on Maltamum.

Hi mums,

I am a bit worried because soon I ll go back to work, I have requested to work reduced hours and maybe they ask me to work one day 8:30 till 12:30 and the next day 13:30 till 17:30, that means that the baby will have to be those hours at the child care, so she will not be able to follow a daily routine which I read is so important for babies and children for emotional security and development. Could you kindly give me your opinion about taking the baby alternative days, morning or afternoon to the childcare? And if you think this change of routine everyday will affect her? Do you think that it would be better for example Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday in the morning and Thursday and Friday afternoon?

Thanks a lot!

Mum A.

The post Not following a daily routine might harm my baby? first appeared on Maltamum.